


The New Head

by Zoe13



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Insanity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-11 23:43:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/804613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe13/pseuds/Zoe13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The new head of Modest Management is already crazy when he starts.<br/>And it steadily gets worse.</p><p>Established Larry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno if anyone will like this or what, but I thought I'd give it a go.
> 
> Zoe ^^

Peter Philips had only recently taken over Modest Management, and it had been a long battle to the top- a very, very long battle. 

But it had been worth it. Double his previous amount of money was pouring in, and he had immediately fired seven people. Right now, however, his attention was on his band (yes his band), One Direction.

They brought in the most money and he knew could bring in even more, with the right tactics. It all came down to publicity. The papparazzi were the key to more fame and success and, in the end, more money. And that was all he wanted; to have power and money. Who didn't? 

He had several plans. They were risky, but he knew had a large chance of greatly profiting them. Besides, they would deal with having the blonde around. He shuddered. He couldn't stand that kid. Maybe it was the way he looked at you, with those big, innocent blue eyes that seemed to see every wrong you'd ever done a person and make you squirm with guilt.

Yes, that plan definitely had to go through. If he was going to get rid of him, why not do it in a way that brought publicity? He called in his secretary. 

"Send in Niall Horan." She nodded and went out the door. Niall came in, all stupid smiles and piercing, guilt-inducing eyes. Philips shuddered again. 

"Hey." Niall waved. 

"Sit down." Philips could barely grind it out, and he pretended to busy himself with some papers to avoid the boy's eyes. "I have something to tell you. Something you are going to do."

"Okay?" Niall looked at him confusedly 

"It must be done at the end of two months. And you have to do it. Your contract basically states that you must do anything I say. And you can tell no one." 

Niall peered at him suspiciously. "What do you want me to do? Assassinate Selena Gomez? I mean, yeash. I know Zayn doesn't like her, but..." he grinned, but Philips remained motionless. "Ahem. Anyway."

Yes, he would enjoy the pure horror on the boy's face at the order. He'd accept it after a while, but he was still looking forward to his reaction. 

He wasn't disappointed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Philips is awful, blab blab blab. Chapter three will be up soon-
> 
> And it only gets worse. :D

It was a week later and Niall still was acting weird. Zayn frowned thoughtfully. It had started the day Philips took over Modest Management, but what would that have to do with anything? And he didn't seem just weird, he seemed...depressed. Zayn had tried to talk to him about it, but Niall just wouldn't say a word when Zayn brought it up. 

Then again, it might be related to Philips; the guy was insane. Zayn was pretty sure any psychiatrist would actually admit him into an insane asylum if they knew. No matter. Seven more months and their contract would be up. The boys had secretly decided to go management-free from then on. A bit of research had given them ideas and Zayn knew they could do it. 

His thoughts were interrupted as Harry ran in, fell, sat up, rubbed his nose, stood, and tackled him. Louis wasn't far behind and he tackled Liam, who was on Zayn's left. Liam flew over the arm of the couch with a yelp of surprise and Harry pulled back and did a happy dance as Liam and Louis untangled themselves.

"What's got you all hyped up?" Zayn asked, bemused. 

"Philips said we could come out!" Louis screeched. 

"Whoa, that's amazing!" Liam jumped up and hugged the pair, soon followed by Zayn. 

"I'm so happy for you guys," Zayn smiled. The pair had been planning on it when their contract expired, but now they could do it seven months sooner. They deserved it. They'd been together since the beginning and now they could do whatever they wanted in public.

Like that, he thought, groaning as Harry snogged Louis.

Niall slowly came in the room, eyes half open and hair sticking in all directions. He looked adorable, as always.  
Zayn mentally smacked himself. He'd promised himself that none of that would happen anymore because it couldn't- Niall wasn't like that. He wouldn't love Zayn the way Zayn loved him. He'd just have to ignore it.

"Did you hear?!" Louis screamed in Niall's face. Niall smiled tiredly.

"I think the whole hotel heard, Lou."

"Now the whole world has to!" Louis pounced on Harry again. 

"How are you gonna do it?" Niall asked. 

"Next concert, tomorrow night," Harry said. "We're just gonna announce it."

"That's great," Zayn smiled, before deciding to tell them now. "I'm finally breaking up with Pez. Don't get me wrong- she's great, but..."

"You don't love her like that. I understand." Liam smiled at him. 

"What about you, Niall? Anything new?" Louis asked.

Niall shrugged. "Not that I know of." 

"Well, I'd better call Pezza. Fake or not, this is gonna be awkward." 

Niall patted his shoulder sympathetically. "It'll be okay; I'll bet she'll be happy too. Maybe she'll finally find a real boyfriend."

Zayn nodded and left, trying to ignore the amazing warmth rushing through his shoulder where Niall had touched him.  
__

Louis and Harry had done it and Zayn was proud of them. They'd decided to have a little party in Harry and Louis' hotel room to have a drink and try to get their hearing back. 

No, really. Zayn wondered if he'd ever hear right again after the crowd screamed so loud. 

"Here's to Haz and Lou," Liam cheered, bumping glasses with Louis. Louis smiled lazily, drunk already. 

"What do you guys think of Philips?" Niall suddenly asked. 

"I don't know. He let me and Lou come out, which was amazing, but...he seems kind of crazy." Harry stared thoughtfully at his beer.

"He didn't seem crazy when I met with him," Louis said. 

"Louis, no one seems crazy when they're compared to you," Liam said, and they all laughed. 

Only Zayn seemed to notice as Niall stood and silently left, face dark with an unreadable expression. 

Something was really wrong and Zayn couldn't ignore it any longer. Getting up, he said goodnight to the boys and excused himself, following Niall into the hallway. 

He caught up with Niall as the blonde was unlocking his door, and called to him. 

"Hey Niall, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Niall's smile didn't reach his eyes as he turned. "Sure. What do you need?"

"I just...I'm worried about you right now."

"Oh." Niall's smile faltered before it came back. "Well, I'm alright. What made you think anything was wrong?"

"You just seem down and quiet...I dunno." Zayn sighed.  
"Sorry." Niall turned back to the door, sliding his key card in the slot. "I'm kind of homesick. Anyway. How are you doing?"

"Uh...fine. Really excited for Haz and Lou."

Niall looked down at his hands. "Yeah. Me too."

"I'll be glad when our contracts expire. Philips seems a bit whacky."

Niall's eyes suddenly looked panicked. "Goodnight." He darted into his room and shut the door, leaving a very confused Zayn on the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall's orders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is escalating very quickly...o.o  
> Seriously. Hang in there and bear with me. ;)

It had been a month and Zayn still couldn't get a word out of Niall. Every day the blonde seemed jumpier and almost...haunted looking. The other boys were worried too, and they had discussed what they should do but nothing seemed to work. Niall evaded all questions with brief answers and remained shut in his room, only going out when he had too. 

Whatever it was, it was scaring Niall- and that scared Zayn. 

Then, one day, he got the phone call. He'd gone to the mall and had just finished giving a few girls his autograph when his phone rang. Seeing that it was Niall, he immediately answered. 

"Niall? Hey."

"Z-Zayn?" Niall was crying, and Zayn froze mid-step. 

"Nialler? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry Zayn, so, so sorry. I wish you could know h-how much." Niall was barely able to talk.

"Where are you, Niall?" Zayn started walking quickly. "Whatever it is, you can tell me in person. Are you at the hotel?"

"Y-yeah. Don't- don't come."

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to see."

"See what?" Zayn panicked. "Are any of the boys there?"

"N-no."

"What about Paul? Or any of the security guards?"

"They're downstairs."

"Okay, just- just stay right where you are. I'm coming."

"No! You can't come- you can't see!" Niall choked.

"See what?!" Zayn practically begged, speeding up.

"I can't do this anymore, Zayn. I need it to end."

"To end? What-" he stopped again, almost dropping the phone. 

It all made sense. Niall- but he couldn't.

"I'm sorry, Zayn."

"Niall! Don't you dare! I don't know why this crazy notion got into your head, but just don't! I'm almost there; just give me a chance to talk to you. Please, Niall!"

"I can't, don't you see?" Niall was crying again and Zayn felt nauseous. What ifs were running through his mind and he didn't see anything, didn't see the people bumping into him or the cars driving by.

"Niall, don't do this, please! Don't leave me. Why do you want to this?"

"I-I can't tell you." There was rustling on the other end and Zayn broke into a run. 

"Niall, please, give me a chance! I don't even know what's wrong!"

"I've got to do it now, Zayn." Niall's tears had stopped and his voice was dead calm.

"Where are you? Which room?"

"Mine. I've- I've got a gun, you can't see. Please, Zayn. Don't come."

"Niall, please-" 

The gunshot crackled through the phone and everything stopped. Zayn fell to his knees on the pavement. He couldn't hear, couldn't see, couldn't feel. People swarmed about as he curled up on the cement and stared sightlessly at the sky. 

Niall was gone.  
__

Somewhere he heard a phone ringing. Jumbled voices were talking- one loud, one quiet. Both were tearful and the sound of someone sobbing came from across the room. 

The room. Zayn opened his eyes to a faint light. He sat up and realized he was in a hospital bed.

He realized that Harry had been the quiet voice, a shaking hand resting on Liam's shoulder. Liam was yelling, crying as he stood in front of Paul. Louis was curled up on a chair across the room, knees close to his chest as he sobbed. 

Then it hit Zayn and he couldn't breathe. 

Niall. 

Maybe some miracle had happened. 

"Niall?" he asked, voice hoarse. Four pairs of eyes turned to him and he knew- he knew he'd never see Niall again. 

He didn't feel shocked, he felt cold. The other three boys came to stand around him, arms encircling him as they cried. But he couldn't. 

He was numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me whatcha think. ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn copes- or tries to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a warning, I have absolutely no idea where this is heading! So... enjoy!

Breathe in, breathe out. In, out. In...out.

Zayn exhaled loudly and covered his face. He was sitting on the floor in his flat, back against the wall in his bedroom, trying to stave off a panic attack.

They happened all the time, now. Before, he would have one and Niall would be there to fix it all with a simple touch or word- but now he was the cause of them and couldn't stop them because he was gone. 

Because he had killed himself.

Zayn let out a wordless scream and pulled at his hair. Tears fell from his eyes but he didn't notice as he stared up at the ceiling sightlessly. 

Why? Niall hadn't left a note, he'd only called Zayn; and Zayn hadn't found out why. Hadn't stopped him. 

Louis, Liam, and Harry had given up calling. He knew they were all staying together at Louis' place for a while because they found comfort in companionship, but he couldn't stand it- didn't want to see anyone. Liam had been leaving food in his kitchen and Zayn had written to him to thank him once, but it was all he could do.

Niall was gone, and he would never know that Zayn had been completely, insanely in love with him.  
__

Niall stared blankly at the ceiling. He was worried- terrified, actually- about Zayn. 

From the first time he'd met him, Niall had known that Zayn had a tendency to be rash. Who knew what he'd do? But Philips. Damn Philips had a legal hold over Niall that was being stretched to insanely great lengths. 

Philips was completely mental. He knew that for sure- had since he'd gotten the order. And now he was basically stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere on his own for seven months with a phone, clothing, toiletries, and his guitar. He was brought food once a week, and- if the scenery hadn't been so beautiful- it would have felt like prison. 

It was torture, nonetheless. Philips obviously wanted to do a publicity stunt (and his crazy schemes had worked thus far, daring though they were), but Niall spent every day, every hour, every MINUTE, worrying about Zayn. 

ZaynZaynZayn. That's what Louis used to say, when he would mimic him. He did think and talk about Zayn a  
lot, but who didn't think and talk a lot about the person they were in love with?

He had permission to check on Zayn once a week, but he had to remain unseen. He could only see Zayn for five minutes, and then it was back to the little cabin. He was going to go insane.

Maybe he would check on Zayn today. It had been two weeks already, and he couldn't go without seeing him again for much longer.  
__

Zayn stared blankly at the gravestone. Nothing about the grave was like Niall. The flowers were all white, blending in with the nearly-black dirt, grey headstone, and bleak sky. The grass seemed to have retreated from the grave as if it didn't have a place there. Zayn pulled out his bouquet and set it down, a small ami touching his lips as the multi-coloured flowers added a bit of color to the grave. 

The grave. It was an awful thing to say. He didn't understand why he had to even see this place, but he couldn't stay away. It was the closest he could get to Niall. 

He rested a hand upon the tip of the stone, looking down at the dark dirt and flowers.

"I miss you, so, so much. And if I could say one more thing to your face, it would be that I love you- because that was what you needed to hear. Not specifically from me, but from someone, anyone. But I don't just mean it how some would. I was in love with you. It's just- it's too late. That's why I'm talking to-to your grave, like a crazy person. 'Cause I already was. Crazy, I mean. Crazy about you. But it doesn't matter, does it? 'Cause you're gone and I wish I was too." The words seemed to completely take the energy from him, and he fell, kneeling in the dirt by the grave and crying. 

"Zayn..." His head jerked up and he looked around. He thought he'd heard Niall. He broke down again, crying and begging Niall to come back. 

Hidden by some trees, Niall watched with tear-filled eyes as the boy he'd always known as so strong bent and then broke. And he couldn't do a thing about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment what you think! ^^


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn doesn't cope well. (Warning! Self-harm, not explicit but may be triggering).

"Zayn! You've been in there for an hour. You need to come out!" 

Zayn jolted, gleaming metal slipping through his fingers and clattering to the floor. 

"Zayn?" It was Harry instead of Louis this time. "You alright?"

Zayn almost laughed aloud. Of course not. "I'm fine," he answered, grabbing a paper towel and dabbing at his arm. Blood immediately began to stain the sterile whiteness of the paper towel, and Zayn watched, fascinated. Thirteen long lines ran up each arm, perfectly straight and exactly one-fourth of an inch apart. He had a good eye for measurements. Niall's favorite number had been thirteen. It was little things like that that stung Zayn, remembering Niall's little quirks and opinions. 

"Zayn, we need to go." It was Liam now, and Zayn quickly wiped his arm, blood smearing red across his wrists and forearm. When the flow didn't completely stop, he grabbed the first aid kit and swiftly rolled gauze around his arm, taping it down and pulling on his sweater. 

This interview was gonna be hell.  
__

Niall strode across the room, turned around, and strode back for the fiftieth time (he'd been counting). He was going to to go crazy. He stood, grabbed his jacket and sunglasses, and slipped out the door, pulling his hood over his head. 

It was a bit chilly outside and the weather was only growing colder, but Niall didn't notice. He was stuck. He knew it was awful to let the boys think he was dead, but he legally couldn't tell anyone. Besides, he wouldn't put it past Philips to shoot anyone that found out. 

He peered into a few shops, but saw nothing of interest to him. He had nothing to do and no one to talk to for seven months. He had to have something to do. 

"Why are we walking to an interview?" an incredulous voice asked around the corner. Niall froze. It was Louis- and if they were walking to their interview, they'd be coming around the corner. He looked frantically around. The shop behind him was empty and locked, and the other one was closed. Leaning against the wall, he tucked his chin against his chest and pulled his hood as far down as he could. The four boys came around the corner, their banter not even half-hearted. 

"Because you're out of shape," Liam answered. 

Louis tried to pout, but his face fell and he looked away. "Niall would have thought that was funny," he said. Zayn's head snapped up, and Niall swore his eyes were shining with tears. His head ducked back down and his eyes were out of sight again. 

"Y-yeah." Harry's voice cracked.

"He-" 

"Stop it!" Zayn burst out, stopping a few feet ahead of Niall. "Stop! I can't-" his voice faded away and he took off running, disappearing around the corner. 

"Zayn!" Liam chased after him and Louis and Harry stayed where they were. Niall tried to keep his heart rate down as they stood not ten feet away, talking. 

Louis sighed. "I'm really worried about him. It's been hard for us all, but he's..."

"He was in love with him," Harry said. Louis nodded.

"I thought as much." Niall's head snapped up, but he quickly looked down again. 

Zayn had said he'd been in love with him, but Niall had thought that he was surely dreaming. It couldn't be that he would find out when he had to wait seven months. He was going to kill Philips. 

When Louis started crying, Niall turned his face away and walked down the street, disappearing around the corner. 

What was he supposed to do?  
__

"How are you all doing?" the interviewer questioned, smiling plasticly. Whether that was a word or not, Zayn actually didn't care. It was the only way to describe her smile. 

"We're- I mean- it's been really hard." Liam looked down at his hands. Zayn felt ready to snap.

"And who's dealing with it the worst?"

Zayn shot to his feet. "That would be me. You're fucking rude, and I'm not going to put up with anymore inappropriate questions. There is no way I'm gonna do any interviews for as long as possible." He stood and left, tears whipping from his face ad he rapidly left the building.

Niall wasn't ever coming back, and they wanted to know who was having the hardest time?

He flipped the bird at the building and headed off to his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Pleasepleaseplease review. ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the tragedy continue...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope anyone who reads this doesn't hate me, haha

The days passed slowly for them all. Zayn got a new lock for his doors to keep the other boys out. He needed to be alone, needed to try to salvage what was left of him.

There wasn't much.

He wasn't hurting- it just felt like his body was there but the rest had died with Niall. The only time he hurt was when someone said Niall's name aloud; a sharp pain would run through him, and the sense of loss grew greater. That was why he had locked himself away- he couldn't stand being with other people. 

He felt emptier every day. No matter where he went in his house, he was reminded of Niall. In the kitchen he could see him, throwing back his head to laugh as he went through Zayn's fridge. In the living room he saw him watching telly, remembering the lazy smile that would be on his face as he played with Zayn's hair. In the guest room he saw him bouncing on the bed, singing some Justin Bieber song, and sneaking to Zayn's room in the middle of the night and curling up by him.

He'd left so much stuff there. Albums, clothes, movies- even two guitars. He had a tooth brush by the bathroom sink that Zayn hadn't touched and a comb on the shelf by the mirror that he had left perfectly aligned with Zayn's. Zayn always set his own back where it had been. 

Niall had even left dishes. Plates and bowls that had held leftovers, his mug from back home, and silverware. Zayn smiled softly, remembering when Niall had come to visit and realized he had a fork, spoon, and butterknife in his pocket from breakfast.

Zayn walked into the living room, stopping by the telly. Several of Niall's movies were stacked by Zayn's. His pillow with the four leaf clover on it was resting on the couch, and a pair of white supras stuck out from under the recliner where Niall had taken them off and left them. One of his snapbacks was on the coffee table, and Zayn brushed his fingers over it reverently. 

He wandered into his bedroom, a second smile turning up the corners of his mouth before dropping. A wood chair was turned around against the left wall, several outfits piled on it haphazardly. More of Niall's shoes were poking out from under the bed, mixed up with Zayn's.

It had felt right when Niall stayed over, like it was what was meant to be. Niall's stuff was everywhere, and it had felt almost home-like. But that was stupid- nothing would happen now. He hadn't taken his chances. Maybe if he'd told Niall he wouldn't have shot himself. 

It hit him like a freight train, knocking the breath out of him and forcing him to his knees. He could have stopped it. He'd noticed that Niall had been acting weird- he should have acted on it. 

"I'm sorry!" he doubled over, feeling as if his whole being was consumed by guilt. He made his way to his nightstand and grabbed his razor with shaking hands.  
"I'm so sorry..." 

For a while it was all thin lines and red blood, until he came back to himself, realizing there was a puddle on the carpet and half-dried blood all over his clothes. He bandaged his cuts and unconsciously made his way to the wood chair, grabbing one of Niall's sweaters and sliding it over his head. 

Niall's scent hit him and he sat on the bed, curling up. The left side of the bed smelled like Niall too; he'd stayed over at Zayn soon before-

Before he'd gone. 

"It's all my fault, isn't it," he said aloud. It wasn't a question- he knew the answer. 

He could have saved Niall and he hadn't.  
__

Liam felt heavy. His heart was heavy, his mind was heavy, everything was heavy. He was worried, guilty, and restless; worried about Zayn, guilty about Niall, and restless because he didn't know what to do but felt like he had to do something. He couldn't do anything about Niall- hell, did he wish he could- but he needed to do something about Zayn. Zayn had grown steadily worse each day until he'd completely shut them out. 

Liam had been staying with Louis and Harry since Niall had...left. They weren't doing too well either, but they talked, they ate, they still lived. Zayn had just ground to a halt. He'd simply stopped. 

Danielle had been understanding- they'd talked a bit but she'd told Liam to call her when he needed to talk so that she didn't make him feel like he had to talk when she called. Harry and Louis comforted each other, but they didn't leave Liam out. 

Zayn, however, was angry at the world, and therefore didn't want to be a part of it. He hadn't come to the funeral, but Liam had seen him at the graveyard a few times, kneeling by the tombstone and falling apart. 

Why had Niall done this to them, and -more specifically- to Zayn? What had been so awful, had hurt so much that he not only didn't tell anyone, but killed himself because of it? Zayn didn't exist without Niall, not really. Niall was Zayn's confidence, his self-esteem. He was the way that Zayn understood other people.  
Or he had been, until he'd...oh fuck it, shot himself. There was no beating around the bush, no softening it. Niall had shot himself and wasn't coming back. 

It was with those thoughts that Liam approached Zayn's house, determined to at least see him. He hadn't spoken to him in days, even over the phone, and, thinking about it, Zayn had probably broken his mobile on the wall or lost it because he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. Especially himself.  
He knocked on the door, his usual five raps, and waited. Nothing happened, so he rapped again.

"Zayn, let me in. I need to see you." 

"I'm not going to unlock it, so just go away!" Zayn's voice was hoarse as he shouted from inside the house, and Liam began to worry even more. Had he gotten himself sick or had he just been crying? Determined to get in somehow, he went around the back and tried a few windows. Zayn had missed one and he found it on the fifth try. He quickly climbed through it and headed to the bedroom. He heard the bedroom door slam and stopped outside it, not even bothering to knock. 

"Zayn! Open the door!"

"How did you get in?"

"I'm not telling you." Liam sighed with frustration, deciding to unlock another random window so that if Zayn found one, he'd think it was the only one and be satisfied. 

"Leave."

"I am not leaving, Zayn, not this time! So let me in or, so help me, I will break down your door." Zayn seemed to realize he was serious, because he could hear him moving around in the room before the lock turned and the door swung open. Liam stepped in and Zayn swung the door shut harshly, turning. 

Liam looked him over carefully. His usually carefully styled hair was a mess, his eyes were heavily underlined, and he was pale. In his hands was a picture of him with Niall, and he was wearing what Liam recognized to be one of Niall's sweaters. Some of Niall's clothes were hanging on a chair off to the left, and he could see two combs and two tooth brushes in the bathroom from where he stood. More pictures of Zayn and Niall were hanging on the wall, and there were more shoes under the bed than Zayn owned. They'd always been a close group, but this was a whole new level. Liam tried to piece it together.

"Did you bring his stuff in here?" he asked. 

"No. He did."

Oh. 

"Were you and Niall-" he stopped as Zayn wheeled sharply around, staring at him.

"No," he answered coldly. "He stayed here sometimes."

Zayn's voice may have been cold, but Liam saw something in his eyes. Sadness, regret, and love. Zayn had been in love with Niall. 

The Bradford boy didn't move as Liam stepped swiftly forward and embraced him, holding him tightly. 

"I'm sorry, Zayn, but you need to come outside. You can't hide in here forever."

Zayn pulled back. "I can't go out, Liam! Everything reminds me of him, every fucking thing! the sunshine, restaurants, even fucking cars!"

"And staying in here wearing his clothed is better?"

"Yes- No- I don't know! I just want to be alone."

"Zayn, you-"

"Get out!"

"But-"

"I said get the fuck out!" Zayn turned and left, slamming the door behind himself. 

Liam let himself out and broke down on the sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me whatcha think!! ^^


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several months later, and the contract is almost up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Attempted suicide. I apologize for the shortness of the chapter.

Days grew longer, and Zayn's heart grew colder. It really did feel like half of him had been ripped away, never to return. Each hour, each minute, dragged by agonizingly slowly and blurred together. He began to lose track of how many cuts his body had, how many times he'd taken a blade to his skin. 

When he was a little boy he had asked his mother why good people died. She'd said she didn't know. Thinking back, almost all of his life had been full of whys, and so he wasn't surprised when no one answered him now as he begged to know. 

Why? He'd never know, would he. It hurt more every day because the sunshine in his life had gone, and so he sat in his room, turning his way of escape over in his hands. 

It had been hard to get one, but a gun had seemed most appropriate- after all, Niall had used one. He couldn't stop staring at it, turning it over and over in his hands. It was Niall on one side, Liam, Louis, and Harry on the other side. And he wanted to choose Niall, to pull the trigger. 

It had been seven months almost down to the day. Their contract expired the next day, but he probably wouldn't be around to see, didn't want to be around to see. 

He'd left a few notes and all, but they'd know why anyway. He gently picked up the picture of him and Niall on the nightstand and looked at it. When he hated, he hated with a passion, and when he loved, it was with all of him. It was just how he was, but it made life impossible without the person he loved most. 

He took a few deep breaths and set the picture to rest on his knees, checking the gun with shaking hands. There was a rustling somewhere in the house and he tensed, but, after a pause, he relaxed. His arms and legs were bleeding sluggishly through his clothing but it didn't matter. He'd be gone anyway. 

In, out. In, out. 

Finger on trigger, safety off; now he just had to pull. 

"I'm coming," he whispered. 

The door flew open and he leaped to his feet, turning to face it with the gun still to his head. 

Liam, Louis, and Harry stood in the doorway.

"Zayn!" Louis stepped forward and Zayn flinched.

"Zayn, calm down." Harry's voice broke through as he began to panic, and he forced a few deep breaths. 

"What are you doing?" Zayn asked with a shaking voice.

Louis crossed his arms. "What are we doing? What the bloody hell are you doing is the question!"

"Zayn, put the gun down," Liam urged. Zayn shook his head.

"I can't, Li."

"Yes you can, Zayn. I know it's hard, damn it, I know, but you can't make it this much harder for the rest of us!"

"You didn't love him like I did, Li, I can't do this!" Zayn felt his breaths shortening again and tried to get his breathing under control. Liam took a step forward and Zayn backed up.

"Give me the gun, Zayn. Then we can talk. Please, just...give me the gun."

"No."

"Look, Zayn, I know none of us loved him like you did, and I know it's been the hardest for you, but it's been hell for us too!" Harry ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. "Don't you think that losing two friends will break us at least as much as you losing the boy you love broke you? If I lost Louis, I would be like this. I know I would be where you are. But I hope to God that I wouldn't do it because right now I'm scared out of my fucking mind that you will."

Zayn lowered the gun slightly. "But- I can't do this anymore. I can't forget."

"You're not supposed to forget, Zayn. It's not the way. But you have to accept and, more importantly, stop blaming yourself. I blamed myself at first- we all did. But we need to accept that we couldn't do anything and he made his choice." Liam ran a sleeve over his eyes, trying to hold back the tears. Zayn felt his own running freely down his face, but couldn't bring himself to care.

"Why'd he leave me, Li? Why? Didn't he care even a bit?" 

"I don't know Zayn. I don't know." Liam came closer and wrapped his arms around Zayn. "I've got you, Zayn. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Harry took the gun from Zayn's now weak grasp and set it aside and they   
all crowded around, holding each other tight. 

But it was all wrong, because there was an empty place in the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, tell me what you think, even if you thought it was shit.   
> Though positive feedback is always better ^^
> 
> -Zoe xx


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end. ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is finished! Hope you like it.

Zayn was relishing the look on Philips' face a bit too much, but he couldn't bring himself to feel sorry. the bastard had been completely cold-hearted about Niall's death, precinct them into interviews and shows and generally drawing as much attention to them as possible. 

And now he was paying. 

"What do you mean you're getting rid of us?!" Philips half squeaked, his usually perfect appearance rumpled and manic.

"We don't need you- simple as that," Louis said calmly. "We appreciate your time and effort, but we'll be on our own from now on. Our contract's up- you're not in charge of us anymore. We'll be leaving now, thanks."

Zayn was relieved at the shortness of the meeting, and stood briskly, still wanting to get out as fast as he could. Liam squeezed his shoulder comfortingly as they left the building. 

"Hey Li, wanna get some food?" Zayn asked, knowing Louis and Harry had just finished up a date before the meeting. Liam nodded and they set off, leaving the couple behind.

"How are you doing after yesterday?" Liam asked. Zayn ran a hand through his hair. 

"I'm- well, I think we both know I'm not okay. But I think I'm doing better. I'm really sorry. I'm not going to try again."

Liam looked him in the eyes for a moment before nodding, satisfied. "I believe you. And it's fine. Harry was right- it's been hell for us all. We've all blamed ourselves and we've all wondered why until we felt crazy, but there's nothing we can do but keep his memory alive." 

Zayn stopped to wipe his eyes as his vision blurred. "I know- I just wish he'd talked to me. I thought we told each other everything and- well, you know. I loved him, so much." 

Liam pulled Zayn into a hug. "I know, Zayn. I know."  
__

Seven months. Niall couldn't believe that he'd managed it. There had been times when he'd thought he wouldn't make it- when he'd thought it was too hard to watch the boys from afar and not be able to speak to them, to touch them.

But now he could. He'd already told Philips he'd have nothing more to do with him, since the whole band was getting rid of management and he hoped they'd let him back.

"...Zayn. He really scared me." Niall stopped. It was Harry, and he looked around the park. Louis and Harry were sitting on the bench on the opposite side of the tree he was leaning against, talking.

"I know. Actually, we should go catch uup with him and Liam." Louis and Harry stood, and Niall followed, wanting to get them all together.

"Where are they?"

"Li texted me- they're at that little restaurant two blocks away. You know, by the hair salon?"

"Okay." Harry linked fingers with Louis and Niall felt a small smile slip onto his face. At least those two were alright.

"Has Liam said anything else about how Zayn is?" Louis asked after a while. Harry nodded.

"Yeah, Zayn said that he's sorry and I think he really will be better. I'm hoping it was just a spur of the moment thing."

"He really scared me, Haz."

"I know." Harry stopped and pulled Louis close. "He scared us all." 

Niall stopped, confused. What had Zayn done?

"But he just looked so empty and he had all those scars, Haz. You saw when Liam bandaged him up. He's been cutting for months." 

Niall froze completely, feeling his heart stop. Zayn had been cutting?

"I know. I thought he was really going to shoot himself before Liam got the gun away-" 

Niall jerked into motion, tearing past the two boys and down the sidewalk. 

Zayn had been going to kill himself. He had to see him, now. 

He ran past a few more people and ducked around some small children, Zayn being the only thing on his mind. He ran faster and faster until everything, even his thoughts, was a blur. He tried to remember where Louis had said the restaurant was. 

Then he spotted them- Zayn and Liam. They were walking down the sidewalk toward him, but they didn't see him. Not yet. He stopped a feet away and called out. 

"Zayn!" 

The boy's head whipped around and his eyes widened as he saw Niall. They stood for a moment, eyes locked before Zayn's eyes slid shut and he collapsed. Niall sprang forward, only then noticing Liam was gaping at him. He caught Zayn just barely and had to shift quickly to keep from dropping him. He set him down on the sidewalk and sat by him, completely at a loss as to what to do. Liam sat by him too and eyed Niall again, this time warily. 

"Who are you?"

"I'm Niall!" Of all the reactions, Niall hadn't expected this one.

"Niall's dead." Liam stared sternly at him. 

"Liam, have you ever seen someone look so much like someone else? It's me!" 

Zayn stirred and opened his eyes, staring at the pair just as Liam burst into tears and yanked Niall close.

"It is you! Where have you been you selfish bastard?" Liam demanded.

Zayn jerked up and stared wildly at Niall. 

"Y-you're dead." 

Just as Niall thought things couldn't get any worse, Harry and Louis came up, eyeing the three oddly. Niall turned and Louis let out a strangled yelp. 

"Niall!"

"It can't be!" Harry exclaimed. "Niall's dead." 

"It's Niall," Liam answered. "I'd recognize him anywhere." 

Louis knelt by Niall, stared him in the face, and then punched him. The blonde reeled back, feeling his left eye. 

"Why did you leave?!" Louis screamed at him. "Why the fuck did you leave?" People started crowding around, but Harry glared and they took the hint, leaving quickly. Niall felt tears gathering in his eyes. 

"Please...just give me a minute to explain." They all nodded, Liam sensing his anxiety and resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

"Okay. We're ready to listen."

"Well, seven months ago Philips took over Modest, right? Well, when we all met with him, he told me that I would have to- have to-" he stopped. 

"What?" Liam urged. Niall sighed. 

"He said I had to fake my death. I said I couldn't do it, said I couldn't do that to you four. He said I had to, and legally I did. Over the next month I begged him to change his mind, but he wouldn't. He did anything he could to get publicity, and he knew this would draw in a lot of attention. Then one day they handed me a phone and said that if I didn't make that call, they'd fire me and make sure I never saw any of you again. they said they didn't care who I called, but said iI had to call one of you."

"So you called me." Zayn's eyes were boring into Niall's and Niall felt terrible, even though he hadn't really had control over the situation.

"Yes. When I called you, I meant it. I was fucking scared, and I kept thinking to myself over and over that I couldn't do it. But then Philips was there and he just kept saying that if I didn't do it, he had the power to do all of these awful things to me and to you and- well, I knew he did. It was awful, I really wanted to die when I hung up." Niall took a shuddering breath, wiping the tears from his face. "The next months were agony. I was kept updated on you and occasionally saw you and I just kept thinking about how pathetic I must be to not be able to do anything. I was angry with myself for not telling you."

"You couldn't have," Liam assured him. "I don't blame you."

"None of us do," Harry said. "We just- damn it, we just thought that we couldn't handle it and we almost lost Zayn-"

"I know!" Niall turned to Zayn, meeting his eyes. "I'm so fucking sorry! I tried to tell you multiple times, but I had a man following me around and he always dragged me away when I tried. I wasn't allowed to be on the internet and I couldn't mail anything. Then I heard these two talking as I was looking for you and- I caused all this." Niall broke down, covering his face.

"Niall, look at me." Zayn's voice broke through to him and he looked up, meeting the older boy's eyes. "It's not your fault. I'm angry, but not at you. You tried, and you tried your best. It's alright."

"Youlu almost fucking killed yourself, Zayn!" Niall exclaimed.

"But I didn't, Niall. Don't overthink this- the person to blame is Philips. He knew I was having a breakdown, and he knew why, but he didn't do a thing, just didn't give a shit. It's not your fault." 

Niall let the tears fall freely down his face, as he looekd at Zayn. "I heard everything you said- all the grief and- and love and I couldn't stay away. But I had to." Zayn's expression was unreadable as Niall stopped to calm his breathing. The other three were silent, watching closely. "It was all him, and I've had to wait these long months, had to watch you finally say what I've been waiting for you to say for so long and I couldn't be here to say- to say I've been in love with you since the beginning. But now here I am and here you are, and I want- no, need you to know that I'm yours if you still want me, after everything you've been through."

Zayn's eyes were shining with unshed tears as he looked at Niall before pulling him close. "It really is you," he whispered.

"Yes, it really is me. And I'm so, so sorry I had to leave. But I'm here now, I'm back; and I'm never gonna leave again."

Zayn pulled back and nodded, letting out a slight laugh. "You swear?"

"I swear." 

And then Zayn leaned in and kissed him and Niall knew they would fix this. They would be alright.  
__

"You can't get rid of me!" Philips glared at Simon Cowell, who was currently watching him be dragged away.

"Actually I'm not. The boys and the whole company are suing you and they've fired you. I had nothing to do with it."

Philips tore away from the policeman who'd been hauling him out and ran up to the boys. 

"You can't do this to me!"

"Oh, we bloody well can," Zayn shot back, staring down the man. "You've done enough damage, just get out."

Niall felt like everything was truly well as Philips was pulled out of the building.

He loved Zayn and Zayn loved him. What else did he need? Well, he had the boys too. And his family. And the fans. But mostly Zayn, so he'd be alright. They had so much ahead of them, they just had to get started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comment or whatever and tell me whatcha think, whether it's good or bad. 
> 
> -Zoe xx

**Author's Note:**

> As always, review! Criticism welcome- hate not so much (not that haters care what you say lol).


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